Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Marino Coffee

Location; Marino

Shop: Spar

Cost; €2

Bleedin coffee this morning tasted like dishwater, no joke. Maybe it was the soap I had for breakfast? No, didn't eat soap this mornin'. Maybe it was the Fairy Liquid I used instead of milk?No it was milk, or it could have been machine sperm because the new fecking machine they got in seems to be able to fuck your coffee.

It tasted like sexual assault, from a machine, by a machine.

I have nothing against machine Coffee, IADT has a nice bewleys one, Spar Nassau street has a nice one (they also do deals with coffee i.e. €1 euro coffee with any pastry or danish), and between you and me the best one is Centra on Westland Row (€1.60 for a Reg €2 for Lrg. Coffee is dark and the milk is frothy and warm.)


Maybe it's due to all the kids who go there shoplifting at lunch time, the staff never seemed to have bothered to clean the machine. Maybe it is the moon and the stars. I don't fucking know.

P.S. how come the hot counter hardly ever has any food there either?

P.S. the croissant was not turd (a surprise!) but it was cold like it had been outside (another surprise!)

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Urban Legend

Coming soon I'm going to investigate the Legend of the Roll Roll, a student food to end all student food

Hunger Breaks "All Day Breakfast"

So I wasn't allowed to eat this at day time, and sober, my long time friend Deco told me because “no one would ever eat that in the light of day if they knew what they where doing.”

Right so, it is 9 am and I have a hangover; NOM NOMS!

Hunger Breaks All Day Breakfast (Tesco €1.49)

Out of the can it has two meat balls’ two

short sausages, which resemble frankfurters, to teeny mushrooms, a slice of what looks like pepperoni and a lump of pale brown stuff ( which turned out to be another mushroom) all drenched in some kind of spicy smelling baked beans. In fact the smell is a little odd, smells exactly like the hot food section of M&S Grafton st.; seriously.

Getting into the sausage has the texture of Tofu that has been seasoned with Schwartz All Spice ( and an incense stick.

The meat ball thing is apparently the bacon and egg bite in the ingredients list. It pretty much tastes like the sausage but with a lumpier texture and has in it’s mushy centre, wait for it, some from of fried egg white that feels like it has be reconstituted from builders lime.

Man this is not really nice.

The mushrooms taste like big juicy beans.

The truth be told, everything tastes like the beans, which are a bit on the sweet side and salty, which is strange. Think sea salt on sweet potatoes.

The “Bacon Slice” tastes like someone left a slice of cheap pepperoni in a tin of beans.

I have stopped eating now. About half left, but the smell as it cools is fast approaching the realm of heated dog food.

This one has me beaten.

To sum up looking at the list of ingredients should have been enough to put any normal human off the food, and the stats on the nutritional info are pretty horrendous, they are quoted per 100g, this is 410g, therefore it contains 100% of you daily salt intake, so BEWARE.

Overall it tasted like firm mush. It really became hard to distinguish what exactly was in my mouth at any one time to the lack of individual texture/taste; the only telling factor was a sliding scale of density, with the beans on the top and the sausage at the bottom.

Unless you this is the Zombie Apocalypse and you are on a long road with a kid to feed, stay away. Just do yourself a favour and spend the €1.49 on some Glenisk yogurt with granola, or any thing else really, for this is surely the bottom of the breakfast hole, a new low water mark in the Nom Nom world, a standard by which all shit breakfasts will be measured.

ONE STAR. (because it is food and the spice makes it not complete vomit)


Wednesday, October 28, 2009

A starter for ten

Hello and welcome to my food blog.

Let's keep this interesting shall we? I'll will be documenting all the weird and unusual things that pass between my teeth, eating as cheaply as I can in this expensive city of ours ( DUBLIN) from the best value tinned food (Zombie survivalist take note) to the best deals around town for dinner. From time to time I will post my wondrous 'make it home recipes' with price guides and nutritional info to boot.

The manifesto here is to eat cheap and eat varied!

so without further ado;

This week I will be eating
1. All day Breakfast in a can (Tesco €1.49)
2. Swedish Dried Reindeer meat (unknown- but from Sweden)