Sunday, January 17, 2010

sporking from the hip

Well, we have made it through Christmas, and I'm sure we all ate the same shite we eat every year; 1 giant tin of roses, 1 giant tin of quality srteet, the nice double centers ( the crap ones are just confectionery political correctness ) , 1 Giant turkey + 1 Giant ham, enough gin to drown the entire East India Company... etc. etc.

Let's back to business;


I have discussed this before, and I finally set out to explore a depraved state in which pork can be prepared.

The Roll Roll is a creature of legend, something people whispered to me in darkened car parks, a lament from an old drunk upstairs on the nitelink, mumbled nonsense from a hungover student suffering through a day of their part time job.

The contents of the "item" is a series of hot sausage rolls from a shop hot counter in a Cuisine de France bread roll.

The concept is that it cost less than €2 and is packed with enough stodge to either kill you ( which it will, inevitably ) or make you stronger.


The setup; so you go into a Londis, where you can pick up a 2 large sausage rolls, not the giant ones, that my friends is a gripe for another post, for €1.25, and insert these, after you have left theshop to avoid frighting the staff, into a the aforementioned bread roll, ( .75C). Garnish with ketchup from you pocket which was left over from the previous nights McDonald's drunken euro saver menu madness and bobs your monkey! THE ROLL ROLL!

The play; right so, I was hungover and heading to a friends house, I said to meselves that a roll roll beckons. However I was nowhere near a londis/spar. In fact I was in outer greater Dublin suburbia and the only thing at hand was a SupaValu. So I figured, "same difference" and set about finding the hot counter. Which was empty. One quick phone call later I had established that the establishment for which I was to head possessed a microwave, deal done, time for aMacgyver on this one.

The concept is be as cheap as possible, so .85c for 4 small ( this was the price then in Dec. prices may vary given the fact that Musgraves are shitehawkes ) sausage rolls and .70c for a roll,

Back to the gaf and it gets better, my friend had been exploring the endemic red sauces which reside at the bottom of taste value, this was truly a gift from the gods! A quick ding o' the 'wave and a crack of the roll I had meselves ready for another taste experience for the good of the people who read this. Lathering it in Kandee tomato Ketchup , a firm fav. flash back to 1986, when nuclear waste was in the air, Phil Lynott died and the ever controversial Peter Robinson invaded Monaghan.

Critics response; Actually it was alright, very doughy, dry, the vinegar tang from the suace broke up the otherwise monotonous carb. fest. The hot spicy sausage meat was not unpleasant but felt a little to moist for a true pork pleasure. On the whole it was warm and filling though a little on the tough side, not one for our false toothed friends. In spite of myself I began to wonder what the true roll would taste like, what with that golden skin of pastry, heat lamp dried meat and the heady Taxi fumes from the puke stained streets of the metropolis of a Sunday morn.

Over all then


2.5 stars, though edible, not nutritious, not one of your 5 a day nor advisable if pregnant/heart condition/celiac.

If you are brave, and broke, and curious by all means give it a shot!You can do as I have done and either make it yourself, buy one in a shop, or the best may just be the morning after one of those god awful family get together's when auntie ( fill in blank ) made five thousand cocktail sausage rolls and your mother still has loads of little dinner rolls left over from the potato salad and ham jamborees they have at these things and you have a stinking hangover and a house full of cousins whose names you can't remember because they are so distantly related to as have been from a different genus. Just think of me smiling out at you from the interwebs as you slap one of these babies together for instant carbohydrate awesomeness.

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